But there’s so much in this nod, so much behind it. So, then you ask him, do you want to go? And he’ll nod gently, slightly, barely at all. If these gestures are ignored he will “aggress,” biting his own left hand - you should see the thick, dark callus, it’s been there for years - or suddenly grabbing at your shirt or knocking the glasses off your face. He may make a noise of frustration and stomp again.
If he wants something badly enough - to leave the house, or to see his sitter - his cheeks will flush. If pointing doesn’t work he will stomp his foot. He cannot speak, so his wanting is expressed nonverbally. When a Jewish boy is 13, he becomes accountable for his actions and becomes a bar mitzvah.īut for my son, who was diagnosed with autism and persistent developmental delays at 18 months, and who has lived in a residential school for the last three years, each birthday has been accompanied by complicated feelings, a reminder of the milestones he has not met and may never meet.Īt 13, Finn is still soft and subdued, quite unlike the typical boys his age.
Joan of Arc was believed to be 13 when she started hearing voices. Anne Frank was 13 when she received her diary. Some weeks ago, my son, Finn, was turning 13, an age that marks the onset of puberty and the distancing of childhood, a real milestone.
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